Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in xlolatyourfacex's LiveJournal:

Thursday, December 28th, 2006
2:11 pm	subject here I don't know anymore, i feel like it's all falling apart. Everything that has made me, me.  Is gone. i have this boy stuck in my head and i can't do anything about it. we've been broken up for maybe 2 months, he just keeps me waiting. and waiting. I don't know what to do, it's as if im being used as something to fall back on... he's pretty much bad at this stuff. Supposably he said im out of his life. but, why does he keep playing with my damn head and telling me he still loves me. seriously how much more fake can you get? Everyday i question myself, if this was even real. What ever happened to the independent, && happy me. Now i've screwed my whole life up. && i really can't fix this, my parents look down on me, my teachers look down on me. I know i can do better than this. "you don't want to die," I do, i really do i really do BAD. But im too scared. I won't eat, I won't sleep. i have nothing. nothing at all, i can't move.  I don't feel like it. Today im going hang out with braelynn. im going to try to have fun, i have an energy drink... (Comment on this)
Friday, December 8th, 2006
7:54 pm	this is the most usefull blog ever.  10-8-06 Today was fair. I turned in all my math homework. I really need a job. Maybe babysitting? Im real good with kids. I miss my best friend. Well, were not really bestfriends. I do miss her though, and from what i hear i do worry about her, She's hurting herself. Not that it's any of my business. But, i don't want to lose her, even if we aren't friends anymore. I cried yes... over a friend, a best friend. Me and her were supposed to go to San Diego, California. We were supposed to go to college there. And live there, Preslee said he'd move there with us, but, i don't know about that one anymore. It hurts to have a best friend, Someone you really care  about. Then you make a mistake of saying something your not supposed to. I betrayed her, It is mostly my fault. Now I believe she hates me. :( I got on the bus planning to go to Nutcracker with bands, untill i came to find out im grounded for my mistake the other day. It was devastating, just horrid and sad, oh well. So i came home, laid back on the couch, and fell asleep. I told my dad today that i would change. &&  im going to, I believe this time i can.  Im going to have a better attitude, We jus found out something bad about my mom, She might have to have several surgeries for this. :( I've cursed myself, Everyone thinks that the way i dress and write stories means im satanic. No, it doesn't like i told my father today. Im just expressing myself, just because i wear what i wear does not mean i hate the world, Although im begining to hate this world more than ever.... Nothings going right, There are alot of bad influences. I need more friends, I think it's time for me to make more friends, But how? I barely know anyone. I try most these days, my hardest, to smile. Knowing that i've made my mistakes and so has everyone else. I feel exactly how cole does, I stay up all night crying all the time thinking about death, and what happens after if you are nothing before, then you should be nothing after, right? It literally scares the hell out of me. I know i shouldn't be worrying. But, it's hard not to. I hate fairy tales, It makes you dwell on everything and believe all your hopes will come true, when most likely they will not happen and crush down on you. My friend just lost a bestfriend, because her and another friend have gotten "closer."  Honestly, how does that even begin to define excuse? I decided not to get upset about  Nicknames and Stereotypes anymore, because no matter what someone somewhere is going to stereotype me. And thats just their point of veiw. But people tend to categorize me no matter what, because i like who i am and im mostly happy with my life. and most people can't  seem to get over that. thats what i figure, thats why im friends with mostly boys because most girls are all 2faced backstabbing little sluts, who would do anything to make you unhappy and take what you have.  I still like someone.... but, im taking a break from boys right now. I've got my grades kind of good right now. IDON'TWANTTOTAKEFINALSRIGHTNOWOREVER!!!! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 6th, 2006
7:20 am	Well look who's dying now. I wrote this song and everyone seems to think it's amazing, but, i don't know. This boy says he loves me, && i love him too. But his best friend hates me, And he says it doesn't matter. but, im afraid it will. I met a cute boytoday. But that means nothing, (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 30th, 2006
4:34 pm	Me (4:15:45 PM): maybe i can get a ride from sean.   Me (4:15:50 PM): to there in chili.   Me(4:15:53 PM): && hang out.   Me(4:15:59 PM): onfriday.  So and So...(4:16:09 PM): buttt  So and So...(4:16:13 PM): i cant hang out w/him  So and So... (4:16:15 PM): :(           Me(4:17:16 PM): why  So and So... (4:17:35 PM): my mom doesnt like him   Me(4:18:21 PM): so never again?  So and So...(4:18:40 PM): well i have to sneak around w/him   Me (4:18:33 PM): why don't she like him && does he kno.  So and So...(4:19:03 PM): b.c hes older and yea    Me(4:19:16 PM): omg.   Me (4:19:17 PM): lame.   Me (4:19:26 PM): so she's tearing you guys apatr pretty muchh  So and So... (4:20:50 PM): i know  So and So... (4:20:53 PM): shes trying soo hard too   Me (4:20:54 PM): i hate that.   Me (4:21:20 PM): you guys have been together for how long?  So and So... (4:21:49 PM): 6months it wouldve been like 8 though  Iff it wouldn't have been for paige. This is what i hate. Love is Love. It doesn't matter how young, how old, What religion, or who they are. That just pisses me off to hear that. 4 years isn't really a bigg age difference. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
4:09 pm	It is cold outside. Tommorrow we may not have school. I am stayoing the night at brit's no matter what. i was supposed to last night. Today, i left my coat and celly at school. Then i had to go to my friends house to use her phone. Then we met my gma at our inn place. and she took me to school, IM GOING TO VISIT MY BFF  in chili. && i think i get to meet amazing mandeeface. In which i know we're going to get along. and maybe even bff's that would be awesome. :) Thats it for now. I will come back for more later. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 29th, 2006
9:41 pm	well Raise you hand if you hate 4 paragraph themes. Raise you hand if you've procrastinated untill tonight to do yours. Danielles raising both hands. four paragraphs. eleven sentences, in each paragraph. OMFG! this really sucks i don't like school. preslee told me we can still be friends for a while. Becasue he needs to get back on his feet, :) Then i was like ohh okay then can we be friends like today? [casue we made out for like 4 minutes in the hallway. and he was like yeah cause i still love you n all. :) ilovethisboy. thisboylovesme. hesperfect. (Comment on this)
9:03 pm	Im not in a good mood So save the criticism && Pathetic excuses of your life today.... Let's keep it clean and simple. ihopetogod someone decides to be mean to me. :) it will make my day cause to tell you the truth. i would much rather hear someone hating me thant complaining bout me. It's unbeleivably pathetic today, how people decide to complain about me. i say do something or shut the hell up. Leave my problems out of it. i can fix my own. and don't even complain once about my ocd im sihhhk of hearing it.... And, paranoid skizaphrenia, Does not mean im psychotic RICHie. Current Mood: anxious (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 28th, 2006
8:14 pm	explaiin to me please. Time to tell you how im feeling. imnottt sure why but i keep hearing voices that other people do not hear, && it really scares me. Ever since i was 9 yaers old it's been happening. I get these feelings when im around a stranger, or someone thats closest to me, i feel like im being cheated, harassed, poisoned, or conspired against, or someone is trying to control me or hurt me. I feel like everything im thinking is being told or broadcasted to others, that people can read my mind. I can't ever think straight. Thoughts come and go, on and off. I can't concentrate on one thought for very long && im too easily distracted, I can't ever focus attention. I can't sort out what is relevant and what is not relevant in a situation. I tend to leave people alone, in conversations, because over half the time i can't make sense of what they are saying, it's something logical i guess. nNo one can ever tell how i feel becasue i really never show the normal way a person would show my emotions, I can spend an entire day doing nothing. Just sitting there, neglecting everything even eating. I've done it before, i do it all the time. Im not comfortable with myselff at all. I tend to get my anxiety on and off and lock myself out of my head && get controlled by something undefeatable.... it blocks out motions by others and what they are saying. They think i can hear them or i know exactly what they mean, Most of the time i don't and it makes me zone out and get delusional thoughts;; && avoid as much contact with others as possible. I freak out easilly and get tense in low tense situations. I become extremely anxious, when im speaking in front of groups, people, or just one person. I feel confused, && im always unable to pull my myselff && thoughts together, and forget what i intended to say. (Comment on this)